Ascension/ The Culmination of Experience

Note: The views here in expressed are strictly that of my own and the way I see the world. They may not coincide with your point of view, nor should they. If they do, well then I guess we are more alike than I thought. If not, well then they may just piss you off. I'm ok with that. 



It's funny how I can feel peaceful and more self assured than I have in years. I have no hate against the world or how I am where I am, let alone who I am this very day. Someone even told me last night that I seem different. More confident and more self assured. I told them revenge has a way of focusing me. But I've been thinking on those words to utter from my lips last night. Sure a measure of deep seeded, longed for revenge against some imaginary or real slight is there and it has definitely set a clarity in my heart and pushed me from my self imposed exile. But I still don't know if revenge is the right word. I feel more like the term ascension or the culmination of experience would be more proper. The combined lessons of the last few years and the countless times I have had to give up what I wanted most just so I could help multiple others push past their own weaknesses(it's no crime to feel deep emotions and to be over come by them, but to transcend those emotions and see clearly and judge for ones self is a necessary step in every individuals personal growth, and I can not abide people who have friends who reinforce their own weaknesses and never demand better of them. It's like the blind leading the blind and foolish.) -some have understood and thanked me and others have called me selfish and hate me for what I have done- and the unexpected discovery still fresh in my mind have all tied to form together this. The me of now. Someone once told me two things. The first, is to truly understand and lead the people you love you must first know how to hurt them. This I believe to be true with all my heart, though this is never an easy thing to do. I know how it is to be despised for those actions, and in some cases (not all) those who condemn me are absolutely right in their own point of view( a famous desert hermit once uttered the famous word "You'll find the truths that many of us cling to largely depend on our point of view"). But, just because I can cause hurt does not mean I do it with no better purpose in mind than to cause damage. Things just don't always turn out the way I plan because people as a whole are all made different. Some of us are stronger under certain pressures and others of us fold.  That is just what it is to be human. My aim has always been to strengthen and grow and to give love to those I know. Sometimes to give love you have to give pain. Only those who've lived it and have come out better for it will understand me on these points. The second thing I was told was that any reaction- be it love, hate, jealousy, anger, violence, compassion, etc- is better than no reaction at all. And he couldn't have been more right.  :)