Gabriel's Tell A Tale Emporium

Do guys get insecure? Sure they do. Are we tall enough? Are we cool enough? What does that guy have that I don't? Why am I always getting friend-zoned? Am not good enough to be with you? Am I making enough money? Is my car the latest and greatest? Am I good in bed? Am I good man? Am I a good father, husband, boyfriend, son, brother? Will I be able to provide for her? We don't talk about it. We know we are expected to behave a certain way by our peers and society. When we do end up talking about these things to women their perceptions of us switch so subtly that they can't even explain why they use to like us but not anymore. It's everything that's anti-masculine. Well guys are insecure too at times ladies. It's just as hard trying to learn to be a man in this day and age, as the definition of a man seems to change all the time. So don't worry ladies. We won't talk about it. It's not worth it.

Ok. Open up your mind and listen for a minute. Take them shades off, let me see your eyes untinted. Why are you sitting there alone? Why are your eyes as cold as stone? What's on your mind kid? What's causing your pain? Is it something that I did? Or is your soul corroded? Has your heart exploded, unable to feel love anymore? Got a girl on your mind? I know something ain't right in you, it hasn't felt right for a long time I'm guessing. Tell me youngin what's got you stressing. What's so bad that you can't see all of your God given blessings? You ain't hungry. You got a roof over your head. You got a mom who loves you and a brother who would do anything for you. You seem less alive, it's like you're almost dead. Or are you just bidding your time, getting your head right, making sure your passion is fed? Is this what it means to be a Silent Assassin, not a word of recognition spoken. I'm asking you seriously my brother, I'm not doing t

I realized today how big a part music plays in my life. The world was so mundane. I mean straight boring today. The sounds of my life really define my moods and my actions everyday. I forgot my headphone in the morning and the rest of the day was just pure madness. It doesn't make today's suck go away completely but my music does complete me. Thank you to all my favourite artists and thank you to God for the gifts of hearing and music.

Bored out of my mind. Trying to pass the time. Wish I could experience that transcendent moment, trying to feel the sublime. It only lasts a second. You can't even think about it. It just happens. The minute you try to grasp it, the feeling slips through your fingers like sand. It could come at any moment, just like the passing of a breeze. You could get it from a gentle kiss or even when you sneeze. I want to feel it. Anything to occupy this empty space in the night. Seems like I'm just fighting another losing fight.

I'm headed home. I'm almost there. To my surprise there is an unusual sound in the air. "aaaaa....." I strain to hear it. The street lights along the road begin to flicker. "aaaaaaaaaa...." I begin to feel a sense of dread. Something is very wrong about this night. "What do you want?!" I yell out the window. "What are you trying to tell me?!" "Aaaaaaaaallll....." Frustrated, I yell even louder, "What do you want from me?!!" The light all go out with one big POP! Darkness. I slam on the breaks of my car. I can't see a thing. "What the fuck do you want from me?" I whisper. Now I'm afraid. Right then the darkness decides to answer back. A high pitched voice, older than the hands of time shrieks, "ALONE!" Jumping back into my seat, I cringe a little from fear and the strangeness of it all. "What did you say?" I ask timidly. "Alone," the the shrill

Sexual orientation. Are you straight? Are you gay? What's the big deal? Does it really matter? Does a persons sexual orientation make them any less of a person? Is gay marriage wrong? Is it worshiping Satan or will it cause the end of the world? God hates the gays? It all doesn't really matter. Some of the coolest people I know are gay. Male and female. I'm all good with it. So what's stopping the ignorant in our society from just seeing gay people as people? They are human like you or me. To all those men and women who have been brave enough to come out in a society that condemns you for wanting to be with someone from the same sex, I take my hat off to you. It don't matter what your orientation is. You're still my friends.

Everybody seems to have someone. Or at least they are working on having someone. As for me, I just watch it all and feel the black hole sucking in my essence. It's one of those nights where I just can't help but lose a little hope for myself. I'll just sit back with a smile and a laugh. It's all I can do. If I let the dark hole surface on my face I'll have a hard time smiling again and it would ruin everyone else's night. Let the happy and excited be as they be. As for me...well I'll just wait and see.

This is what it's all about. Good place. Good people. Good times. The better side of life.

Sitting here above the crowd of people rushing by I begin to understand this is how the kings of old must have felt an how the most powerful men and women of our day feel. It's lonely at the top and that ain't no lie. I guess that's why we all look for a connection wherever we can get it and for as long as we can hold on to it. This moment will pass soon, but in this moment I truly understand.

In the crowd, yet still separate. A room full of people, yet I still find time to be alone. When I'm sick or just feeling straight off is when I feel the keen sting of my separateness the most. How to temper the cold bite of this loneliness?

Only human. Some shit I don't want to see. Only human. Some shit I see hurts me. Only human. I keep a straight face. I'm better at that now. Only human. Puff a cloud and try not to think about it. Only human. It's been so long since I've been up out it. Only human. Yet it feels like yesterday. Only human. Has it really been that long? Only human. All girls are the same these days. Only human. Generic and bland, I just can't find one to get away. Only human. It's a vicious circle. Only human. Always at the first square. Only human. Yet I'm further from there. Only human. I've gone deeper. Only human. I care more, no longer the heartless sleeper. Only human. I was never really heartless. Only human. I cared too much. Only human. And it scared the hell out of me. Only human. Probably why I find most women plain. Only human. This quest probably already has me insane. Only human. Just universal. Only human. Elemental.

Laying back in bed I already know its one of those nights where I'm going to question everything in an around my life. I guess I could attribute it to two of my close friends who called me today to share some news of their own lives. The first, my best friend since high school and one of the few people in this world who is so kind hearted and sweet that you could never wish any harm on him, called to tell me that he lost his job today. He said to me, "I'm just so tired of searching. I look and look and I can never find [a job] I am happy in. I spent all that time in university, I killed myself for that degree and its basically useless. I got a job with it and in the field I studied, but I either hate it or something happens that I have to look for a new job. I'm just tired." After much talking and some reassurances, planning, and honest advice on my part, we came up with a plan for him to follow and parted with him in slightly better spirits than when he contac

Walking the streets at night with the crisp autumn air as my company is one of my favourite things. There is something about this time of year and the night that makes me want to walk and reflect. The music helps too. So far I've gone through Liberian Girl, Dirty Diana, The Boy's Gone, Never Think, You ain't Missing Nothing and F.A.M.E. . I don't know what it is about nights like tonight but the feeling I get from them alway remind me of a turning point. Something big is headed my way. Whether its good or bad I don't know. I think it's good though. It's on these rare nights with all the reflection of my life that I feel momentarily peaceful, and for the man who is always seeking it peace is a rare gift, even if it is only for tonight.