Gabriel's Tell A Tale Emporium

6 years since I graduated high school. 5 years since I got kicked out of college. 4 years since I started a simple cell phone job that took me further than I ever imagined. 3 years since I worked my way back into college. 2 years since I began writing the novel, born from my life's greatest heart break and disappointment to date. 1 year since I moved out on my own and returned home to figure out where to go. 5 months since I met one of the most intriguing women I've had the luck to meet.  2 months since I started questioning every detail of my life. 1 day since the darkness took me. 1 minute since I planned my get away. Fortune favor me.

Is this the way it's really going down? Laying in this room, my thoughts being the only sound? Lonely heart bursting, blood on the ceiling posing as art. The dark place has the best of me tonight, not even bothering to put up a fight...sometimes you just got to give in to the darks embrace, and hopefully if you ever fall asleep, you'll wake up in a happier place.

Ever have one of those days where you're just sick of excuses, of people's fears, of being told you're not good enough because of the color of your skin, or you don't fit a certain mold? Do you ever get tired of trying to keep positive as you're bombarded with one disappointment after the other over the course of a few years? Well that's what I feel like tonight...just tired of the constant fight with life and with myself.  Trying to please parents and not be a selfish jack ass to people...Tonight sucks. Plain and simple.  Pushing myself to be better, striving to get everything so simple, everything that I know will be more satisfying and fulfilling than all the money or power in the world, just looking for a human connection on my own terms...this shit just gets tiring some days.  I got so much to give and it all seems so half assed some days.  And I still know I'll get up tomorrow, tired as hell, and I'll do it all over again... And the real kicker is

To My Brother To learn is to yearn, a longing for belonging. Just like the old stars in the night sky, you've come so far into your own, still learning to fly. Sweet brother of mine, happiness is all I wish for your lifetime, free of pain and strife. You deserve every good thing in this life. A wife, a home, beautiful kids, a career to call your own. So far to go, but knowing you will have it all as I've watched you grow. I love you, feeling no shame to let it show, the beauty of your life can  be seen in your eyes as they glow. Of midnight should come, and you don't know where to go, remember I'll be there for you, as sure as winter brings the snow.

6:30 and feeling dirty. The old craving is back. Just under the radar, but distinguishable from the black in the back. Like the ambience of a red light, it just colors the surface, yet it awakens the hunger of man- primal, like the earth is.  There's nothing nurturing about it, just a human reflex lost to the years. A sexual craving, a beast who knows no tears. Still I resist and daily I question why, when all I have to do is lower my standards and let the craving satisfy. It's a mystery to me, for once I truly didn't care with who I chose to be. Now I can't move past it, like mining for coal with no dynamite to blast it. It takes me nowhere but to insanity's feet, praying I survive another day to embrace the person of significance under the sheet. When oh when will this be? Crave on I will, till the time comes to set it free.

I would never intentionally cause you harm. I would never intentionally detonate the bomb. Like a pitcher throwing a perfect game, all I want to give you is a thrilling show. Through rain, hail, sleet and snow, I can give all of me, modest as this may be, for the first to love me is me. Im in a conundrum you see, striving daily to be more than I can be. I want it all, love, life and glory. But, these things seem so slow in coming, a snails pace in my own story. Impatience wins out sometimes, lately on a nightly basis. Walking the road to riches, looking for love in all the wrong places. How to face the set backs is a work in progress, getting older by the day, searching for a way to not let my life be meaningless. For all I have to give, for every second that I live, know that I can only give all of me, or disappointed on my death bed I will be.

Habitual Turmoil. The last few years feel like an endless toil. This shit is starting to catch up to me, plans made, most foiled. This shit gets lonely sometimes, feeling like I'm constantly paying for past crimes. Can't get out of jail. I hate working to fail. So I'll smoke another and inhale my delusions, cause they'll keep me going another day, while my heart struggles to reconcile these confusions. 

At Death's Door, Life Calls Me For More It's quiet now. Things have been slow. I can feel the time coming for my green to replace my yellow. Rest while I got it, no rush needed. The hasty soon find their dreams defeated. Yet time flips by faster. What happened a life time ago, seems like just yesterday, a distortion I'm still trying to master. No boundaries, no lengths, yet I can feel the days slipping by, sapping my strength. Got to make a move soon. Trying hard to not be one of those guys who talks the same old shit with no results- a buffoon. Twenty three soon turns to twenty four, and the results are slow in coming, still looking for the right key to fit the golden door. Got to finish what I started, fit the pieces to my puzzle- I can't live broken hearted. No longer do I look at the Brew House, wondering what if and reminisce. I've fully moved forward, no more regrets, a feeling that I've sorely missed. No longer burning, only consumed by a yearning to fe

Absolute madness are thoughts such as these. For a few day and a few nights my mind has been illl at ease. Determined to love you, to cherish you, to bring you joy, to cease this endless celestial tease.  Placed in my path for a reason, not known as of yet. Given clues from dreams and the gut feeling that has set. Though diamonds are forever and flawless it seems, diamonds can be imperfect, an indecisive beauty in my dreams. To speak is to hear the wind whisper through your mouth. To search your eyes, is to see what you feel and what you dream about. So young and so old, physical form and the sanctity of your soul, to press forward on blind faith is what makes me seem bold. It's a scary thought, being on the threshold, knowing something must give, that glimpse of fleeting gold, for to give in now is not how I would chose to live. A sheep to a shepard, a wolf to a pack, if this step is not taken, then longing hearts  can not give back, to one another, building a bond that's deep

Feeling the pressure, a rough 50 degrees. Getting what you aim for can bring you down to your knees. Life requires a philosophy, study the greats, become your own Socrates. Don't aim to please- just please yourself- just masturbate your mind till you're further ahead, coming up from behind. Off a few months and I ain't had no sex, but playing with my mind-putting it on paper will soon increase my wealth, bringing me big cheques.  Convex, concave-bending the light till you illuminate your own night. Make the moon your sun-howl louder than a wolf-drown out the sound of the gun. Nothing can kill you, lest you let it. It's like waking up from a bad dream, looking at the bed, realizing you no longer wet it. There's nothing to be scared of, it's only life. Do what you do, whether you're gay, straight, single or in bed with your wife. What are Disney fairy tales but expectations never met? Brain wash the youth, grow old- waste your life working for someone else beh

Certified stunner. Shock, awe and wonder. Eyes sparkling like diamonds, cold carbon with a feeling like midsummer. Endless, tattoo your name on my heart. Stop, when will it ever start? Knock on the door. Winters over, yet the deep freeze bites the toes some more. Warm up to me, for you can't fight what you adore. Color, a spilt box of crayons on the floor. Black and white the pictures of the world fade out more. Memories, let's start some good ones. Late nights and sunrises, whisper my name in the bedroom naked with no disguises. Am I getting through to you, cause all I hear is static. Lovers and friends, sing it Usher, you still got it. Old school jams, candle lit dinners, dancing in the dark, just heavens blessings on two sinners hoping to find one heart. Look for lust, confuse it with emotion. When shit hits the fan, hide it from the world and keep on coasting. Relationships are meaningless, more and more this is true. But what is meaningless is if you let fear stop you fro

An assignment for my writing class. Write a short story of 1000-1500 words focusing on character or character development.            "Daddy. What is this?"             Looking down to where the voice had sounded from, I saw my young son Jonah, looking cute the only way a five year old boy could, in a suit and tie at a formal event he knew nothing of, nor cared for.   He was holding a picture frame in his little hand like a treasure he had just dug up from a beach.   Bending down into a squat, I looked at what Jonah had found... and felt my breath catch in my throat, like the specter of an uncomfortable memory catching up to me, with an iron grip of vengeance that slowly squeezed all the life giving oxygen out of my lungs.             Straightening, I excused myself from my Japanese business partners with a stiff formal bow and a reminder to make themselves at home.   Grabbing Jonah's fragile hand, I ushered him into a nearby empty room that served as our guest roo

An assignment for my writing class. Write a short sketch of 400-500 words about an unusual place from your imagination or real life.                  In every city around the world, there is always one place amidst the grunge and decay of societies more immoral tendencies that stands like a lighthouse, whose illumination for all who witness it, is seen in the place's potential for the resurrection of decency and fellowship of the human spirit.  In the city of Edmonton, the place that I call home, I have found my own lighthouse in the sea of sludge.  The place that I am referring to is called Habesha Cuisine.  Located on an avenue made infamous for being a daily haunt of prostitutes looking to scratch a living off the services of their worn out bodies, a place where drugs are exchanged openly in various bars and alley ways as if they were food, bought and bartered for in a local bazaar of old, Habesha denies these elements of corruption at its transparent glass doors and stands as

So what now? On to the next random? Another one night stand, over before it ever began? At nights I hate having a heart, I hate being ruled by my feelings, I hate waiting for something that is always itself far from revealing. Take the old lock box out, sip the Hennessy as an anesthetic, rip out every part of me that cares and hide it in there. Dump it in the ocean. Walk away. Wondering when will it be my day? 

Goodfellas  You're my homie, you're my bro, you're dark as the night, I am white as the driven snow. Not a care in the world when he hang together, with you and I, its whatever.  Tell me your problems, tell me your dreams, when we share with one another nothing is as bad as it seems. You doing you, I'm doing me, when we hang we figure life out and grow exponentially. We family. Blood and color ain't no thing. Riding around town, listening to music, hearing our voices sing. We young, wild and free, trying to be the best we can be, our greatness isn't invisible, I see it in you, you see it in me. We ain't Silent Assassins for no reason,  with all the honeys we be teasing, freezing their thoughts, making them wet, pants be soaked with the pleasure tear drops.  When will we stop? Hopefully never. How long will our friendship last? Hopefully forever. Badder than Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, we the only bad boys when we hang together. Through rain

"Won't you smile at me mother moon?" I asked. And so she did.

What am I waiting for? What's the score? 1-0? Am I losing, in this day dream? Can you get out of my head, whoever you may be? Get into my bed and help me sleep soundly. These thoughts bug me profoundly. So astounded, my mind is confounded, of what I feel for life? It's like a knife, sawing at me every day. Trying to throw these cares away, yet they poke me, provoke me, In the middle of the night I know it's them that just woke me. Just another night of these thoughts.

A word unspoken. A bond unbroken. Your presence is like a silver token in a sea of gold. With each breath I witness destiny unfold. That sweet lining, as I continue finding all that u are. One coin after another. Richer with one another. How sweet the taste is. Let's face it. Embrace it. If just for the moment, let's not waste it. The journey is the destination. The sound is the music we are facing. Ring the bells. Sing the chorus. Throw the doors, let's adore this. Whatever this is. Whatever it might be. The sun keeps shining, so come stay awhile with me. The clouds may come, the sea may rage, the mountains crumble, and the grass is covered with flames. I got you. No need to worry. So hurry. Hurry please. Before this passes, like the memory of a slight sneeze.  Huff and puff, breathe and wheeze. Run till you drop on your knees. Call out to God and ask whatever you please. For now, we are caught in this sensual tease. For now, we will freeze. Move slow. Glacier like. Wi

Just another night of these thoughts. Lately it's all I got. Attacking my mind with the force of a gunshot, sudden and deadly. Still holding steady. Trying hard not to falter. Sometimes it feels like its in vain. Never quite in pain, but just on the threshold of something pleasant, if all I dream ever happens. My blankets warm, but the night is cold. I am young, but my soul feels old. Too far ahead of my time, since I wrote my first rhyme. Too hungry for my desires, how my body is not consumed by this fire I just don't know. Another tick of the clock, another moment of doubt. The clock ticks again and suddenly I'm looking up. This roller coaster is nauseating, questions without answers are nothing short of aggravating. I've done my time. I've paid my price. When Lord will I escape the ice of this desolate waste? Alone, feet faltering in this race. Am I doing it in vain? Taking another step towards a new dose of pain? Back to the same old cycle? Just for now I need a

Welcome Your Shadow Enlightenment is the goal, but you still got to cut the grass. Spiritual growth is the path you're on, but you still have to go get your new nose. All your beliefs is what you live by, but you can't help but go down on that random guy. You love to love, yet you still sit alone drowning in your bottle, wanting to cry. Your dreams is what you follow, yet you still work like a slave just to get by. Fly. Fly so high, while you crawl in the dirt that has become your sky. It's not a difficult thing to love, yet your fear stops your beating heart. You wish to be healthier, yet  all you do is sit around and fart. You lust for an innovative piece of art, but you rather go look at picture frames while shopping in Wal-Mart. Traveling is your joy, a new frontier for the eyes, yet you lay in bed, living your lies, rather than going out tonight with the guys. You play the song, add the lyrics; move to the beat. Yet, in public, you refuse to dance in the s