Insomnia Prt.2/Choices

We can do what we want,

Everything is a choice.

We choose how to act,

To flip out, rejoice, be proactive, or react.

What happens when we get lost?

No longer quite sure if it's your heart that's the boss.

Are we selling ourselves short for a hit of that crack?

Just a touch of that short adrenaline snort?

It comes in all shapes and sizes,

Too many innocent disguises,

That make you twist and turn as the confusion rises.

The haze settles in,

A recurring battle that we seem to never win,

Maybe we should just skip ahead and let the heart ache set in?

That would be so easy,

To give up,

Act sleazy,

Maybe run the streets,

Get a little teasy,

Never believing just one would work on that still cracked, emotionally armoured, old soul.

Time has passed,

We do our best to plug in the holes.

No one gets past the armour,

No more than we allow.

A deadly predator, a night cat on the prowl.

Maybe we're just afraid to go that deep again,

So we lie in bed unable to sleep again,

Still feel the aftermath seep again,

Out of a wound that never fully closed.

You can lead a horse to water,

But you can't make him drink.

You can lay it out clear for a man,

But you can't make him think.

Just like you can't throw a rock in water and expect it not to sink.

Think man...think.

Drink it all in.

Will you fall or will you win?

All you have to do is think.

Put some genuine effort in.

It may hurt at first,

The pain is usually guaranteed,

But to achieve your happiness is not a ride that's free.

You got to taste it.

You got to have it.

You have to see it so clear that you almost reach out and grab it and pull it near.

This is hard to do,

but we your family have faith in you.

We are not here to screw you,

Though you may think that we are.

Take your time and be patient,

Part the clouds in front of the stars,

In time you can go far.

Reign in your anger.

It does you no good,

Just like the long nosed puppet who lied and was made from wood.

Remember that even the closest person can be treacherous and up to no good.

Even family,

Though they may not see it,

Can use you for their own ends,

Thrown up out of the water like a scuba man with the bends.

That doesn't mean that you don't trust nobody.

Not at all.

Just be weary,

Keep your trust small.

See people's actions for themselves over the long run,

Know they are true and not setting you up to fall.

Life is full of contradictions and clichés.

As you and I get older you will see this along the way.

Stay tuned in,

Act smart,

Work hard,

And have heart.

You will get where you want to be,

You just have to take it.

Get an education,

Study life,

And you will make it.

Keep a clear head and an open mind.

Be the best parts of yourself,

Be unique.

Your actions are louder than when I hear you speak.

We all get weak,

We all can't get out of bed and wish to sleep all week.

We all have thought of killing ourselves at one point or another.

It's how we act on that weakness that proves our character, dear brother.

Not to him.

Not to her.

Only to ourselves.

It is easy to close a painfully dreary book and put it on the shelf.

It's the things that are hard to deal with that make us strong.

One step,

One strand at a time.

Rope by rope,

Bond by bond.

We push forth,

We struggle and resist.

Soon the day will come when you will say that was some tough shit.

But going through it will show you nothing can beat you,

no trivial problem that feels major in the moment can defeat you.

You will know that you've been through worse,

Pushed through,

And shine like a million dollar purse.

You need to create that will to survive, to win in every part of your life.

To try and fail is no sin,

As long as you tried.

Honestly tried.

Tell the truth to yourself.

You will know when you've lied.

Look deep inside,

Know you are loved,

And blessed with a talent and opportunity from up above.

Now getting back to me,

And the "we" that use to be a dear part of me.

You still keep me up from time to time,

Like the memory of an aroma from a vintage bottle of wine.

You make me question myself,

Push,

Pull,

And test myself.

Will this new one go down the same path?

Be just as tough and stressful as a class that is entirely  comprised of math?

Time will tell.

Things between you and I weren't always bad,

The day we met I didn't know what I had.

Neither did you.

But we bonded together,

Like we were both stuck together with crazy glue.

Those will be the memories I choose to carry about you.

The rest will stay locked in the back,

As a small warning in my head.

Maybe one day we will meet again,

Start fresh,

Be open,

And grow in love,

Instead of keeping me up at night in my bed.

Till then,

Adios.

So long,

and see you.

This insomnia still has me,

Maybe one day it will whisper "I free you..."