Gabriel's Tell A Tale Emporium

I haven't really cried anytime in recent memory until tonight. It was t one of those shed a few tears and its over cries either. It was one of those cries that come from a place between my stomach and my lungs where I always feel the deepest emotions. It was strong. Really strong. It all stemmed from a song, Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men. The good thing that came from this is I know exactly what I'm gonna do now regardless of my fear. I'm coming for you. I'm gonna make it work. Gabriel Janas

I'm afraid to risk it, but I'm also afraid not to. If I'm wrong I could destroy all the progress we've made. I forgot how easy it was just to be around you and how much I enjoy it. For now I'll wait and see and hope the right time and the right signs present themselves to me.

The modern Christmas is a time for consumerism, parties, corporate greed, stimulating an economy, getting drunk and all sorts of perverse things. To many people it is the time for giving and holiday cheer. A time for acting like all is right in the world as a whole and in each of our own private worlds. It is also a time to celebrate the religious belief of the birth of our saviour Jesus Christ. Christmas is so many things. To me, now more than ever, it is a time for good food and especially for family and friends. It is a time to be cherished and to cherish. A lot of people go through life without true friendship and many go through every single day with out family. It breaks my already fragile heart to think about it. Maybe that is why we as people need this time so badly. Maybe this is why it is ok to pretend that our lives and the world are ok for a few days, or even a few moments. Maybe it's ok to spend excessively on things we don't need, to give to one another though

Nights are the fucking worst. I can't sleep because I know I'm lonely. And I can't just go around having casual sex these days or even dating a girl I'm not all that interested in so I make my situation a thousand times worse. What the hell is wrong with me?

My friend Anthony is working on a wicked Christmas present for his nieces and nephew. Basically he is doing a role playing quest to find keys to unlock a treasure. He asked me to help him write a poem for the map that he is making for them. I hardly write anything child appropriate but I was so impressed with this idea I thought I should give this a shot. I had so much fun writing it and figuring out the rhyme scheme that I just had to share it on my blog. This is what came out: In a castle made of stone there lived three children all alone. Two were princesses beautiful and fair. The third a knight, brave and faster than a hare. They found a map one day it seems, it said " follow me to find the Keys to a treasure beyond your wildest dreams. But beware and try not to scream! For this hunt is not as easy as it may seem. First make for the high mountains of old and face a dragon that shall make your blood run cold. Head to the wise old forest next, and seek the immortal e

We've chosen silence and kept it viciously...until now.

Dirt on all of my fingers, but fuck that I'm not worried. Even though it's eye for an eye, I still take a moment to find who they are inside...then I blast them if it comes down to it. Heaven must have known it. Fate took me here. But where do I go from here? You know my deepest desire. Can I possibly do it? Is this the time? Promise not to talk if it doesn't happen. Promise not to tempt me again. All I really want is some mercy here. Help me get it done. I've wanted it for so long. Maybe I have a chance. Maybe I can finally take over and make my heart dance.

The ink from my pen bleeds, my heart is burning. It's hungry. It wants to feed. So many chances. So many women. All a chance to be happy. But I can't be happy until I get that one out of my head or make her mine. Either way, trying will probably end up with me being dead. I need to be fed. Gabriel Janas

I've stayed up past midnight, I've seen your face. I've been up past one a.m., I've felt your embrace. Just past two a.m., I've watched you leave. The clocks just changed to two minutes past three, And I lay and I wonder when you'll come back to me. Four minutes past four I mourn for the one that I adore. It's half past five and I wonder if I will ever again feel alive. Gabriel Janas

Confidence is always the key. But tonight I can't find it for the life of me. Try as I might I toss and turn. Willing the universe to provide me with what I yearn. Gabriel Janas

The intellectual part of me sits here and studies, while the rest of me tries to tame the animal inside. Concentration is the prize. This is a war neither of us will survive. Gabriel Janas

Still waiting on that one that is exceptional in my eyes. Doesn't mean you're perfect. It just means you're so beautiful with all the flaws included. Gabriel Janas

I haven't felt peaceful in so long. I don't remember what it's like anymore. The constant striving to better myself is all I have. It is everything. Day in and day out. I have my friends and my family. I love them all. I wish I could show them how much more often. Sitting here and trying to better the memories and appreciate each day for its fullness. I fall short some days. I'll get there one day though. Then this loneliness will be a distant memory. A ghost to keep me working hard and keep me humble. Gabriel Janas

I saw the writing on the wall. She is yours it said. It was written in fire. It burned so bright. The heat was immense, yet I did not burn to a cinder. I turned to my left and there you sat radiant as the light played about you. I haven't seen your face for a thousand years. But I see you now as if I've seen you yesterday and every day prior to that. Gabriel Janas