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Showing posts from 2011

No Room

So much emotional rage, yet not enough room on this page. Nah, don't get it wrong. I'm not mad at ya.  Just sad it ain't me. No room to write everything I'm still feeling, yet don't have the words to fill it. Everyday I hide it, I try to conceal it. Sometimes I even forget. I look calm, but I'm twisted on the inside, torn up like a house in a tornado. Everything will be alright, you go on and keep living your life, but it's nights like tonight that make me feel how old I've grown.  Need to get this weight off my chest, need to put the past to rest, take tonight as another test, keep on smiling and hope for the best. Love you. God Bless.

I'm Coming Home (Chaos of the Writer)

I'm coming home...one more dance in the silent room...I'm coming home. What I wouldn't give to have just one more dance under the full moon. Coming home...I just can't shake the feeling that something big is coming my way, for good or for bad...though I think it is really good.   What could it be? This curiosity is eating away at me...my patience is stretched thin...but not in a bad way.   Struggling to write my story and not end it in the saddest way...its surprising to see my old journals, to see for how long I've wanted to write a book.   Makes it easier to not give in and give up, to know this is a dream that is still alive, a reality perched on the edge of a knife. Tip one way, tip the other.    Only under the covers of my mind can I discover the true meaning of these feelings that course through my body... the undisclosed desires which I know rule my entire existence.   Just like thinking this passage is in chaos,   jumping from one topic to the other , for

Strawberries

"Clocks ticked, but time did not pass.   The sun rose and the sun set, but the shadows remained.   Where once there was sound, now there was silence."- We Are Marshall Clocks ticked, but time did not pass ... the past flee's, but it doesn't do it fast.   Every breath of the crisp October air sends me back...the air feels just like it did then...like something is waiting there, something big, something good or bad, something... This morning I smelled strawberries...that old familiar scent.   I swear I was losing my mind.   Just a single breath and my thoughts were all a blur.   Where is she?   What is she doing?   Is she well?   It shouldn't even matter.   That right there, is a tale you already know.   Can't you tell?   Why now?   I don't know.   The strange thing is that delicious strawberry scent is enough for me to go crazy...my body just reacts to it.   I feel a hunger stirring, something primal that is beyond my control.   I just can't let it

3 a.m.: a letter to confusion

Friday night. Three a.m. Sitting at this desk writing; listening to Eminem. Tried to sleep, just a peep, thirty minutes even; anything to keep on going for the next twenty four hours. Eyes wide open, tears stream down like wet banners, drowning me in that feeling bursts from the depth of my chest. I scream and try to keep it quiet. Thats's what life feels like lately. That feeling that you just want to scream, wild and free at the top of your lungs, but all that comes out is a muted, stunted sound for fear of waking up those around you. Just an animal trapped in a narrow cage in a sound proof room. I really can't take feeling like this no more. I'm tired of being sad, angry, and glad. It's all mixed up. No one feeling ever lasts. It jumps, twists, turns and pumps. It's something new, yet familiar, and the destructive dance continues. This cycle is making me do things I never use to do. I smoke too much shisha; sometimes when shisha doesn't help I

"Take From Me"

To anyone whose talked shit about me and anyone I'm with and smiles in my face. "I'm livid today." These words have never been more true. "Trouble as the pain grows double, give a fuck what you say." Friendship doesn't mean shit between you and me. I shared my hotel room with you, some of my deepest thoughts, took a vacation with you all the while you talked shit behind my back and my former girlfriend uncomfortable to be anywhere around you and all the other fake people talking shit and smiling in our face in public. "Always been the type of dude that'll feed my clique." I'm always down for a friend and too trusting in some cases. Ali and anyone whoever talked shit about me and jeapordized my relationships "keeping your distance would probably be best if you don't want to fuck with me." "Feels like this shit just got switched on me." I've been through this 3 times now and kept my silence. "You

In another life

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                In   another life you could be whatever you wanted to   be.    No responsibility, no law to hold you down, no moral code if you so wished.   You could go wherever you wished, do whatever you wanted, you could be whoever you wanted to be.   You could be a youthful heir to a multibillion dollar empire.   The world at your feet, every whim served to you on a silver platter.   You could be a honest labor, working the day away, the power of creation and destruction found in the palm of your hand.   Only the people you answer to will have any control of the fate of your designs.   You could be an artist, molding, painting and shaping the world around you.   No one understands your inner turmoil, only the vague interpretations they offer with the criticism of your work.   You could be the preacher, spreading messages of faith and guidance to the confused masses, or a homeless man pushing your cart around and wondering where your next meal will come from, how will you surviv

Insomnia Prt.2/Choices

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We can do what we want, Everything is a choice. We choose how to act, To flip out, rejoice, be proactive, or react. What happens when we get lost? No longer quite sure if it's your heart that's the boss. Are we selling ourselves short for a hit of that crack? Just a touch of that short adrenaline snort? It comes in all shapes and sizes, Too many innocent disguises, That make you twist and turn as the confusion rises. The haze settles in, A recurring battle that we seem to never win, Maybe we should just skip ahead and let the heart ache set in? That would be so easy, To give up, Act sleazy, Maybe run the streets, Get a little teasy, Never believing just one would work on that still cracked, emotionally armoured, old soul. Time has passed, We do our best to plug in the holes. No one gets past the armour, No more than we allow. A deadly predator, a night cat on the prowl. Maybe we're just afraid to go that deep again, So we lie in bed unable to sleep again, Still feel the