Strawberries

"Clocks ticked, but time did not pass.  The sun rose and the sun set, but the shadows remained.  Where once there was sound, now there was silence."-We Are Marshall

Clocks ticked, but time did not pass... the past flee's, but it doesn't do it fast.  Every breath of the crisp October air sends me back...the air feels just like it did then...like something is waiting there, something big, something good or bad, something...

This morning I smelled strawberries...that old familiar scent.  I swear I was losing my mind.  Just a single breath and my thoughts were all a blur.  Where is she?  What is she doing?  Is she well?  It shouldn't even matter.  That right there, is a tale you already know.  Can't you tell?  Why now?  I don't know.  The strange thing is that delicious strawberry scent is enough for me to go crazy...my body just reacts to it.  I feel a hunger stirring, something primal that is beyond my control.  I just can't let it go.

The sun rose and the sun set.  The sun has come and gone many a day.  Still every morning I wake up in the same way. Every night I go to sleep thinking the same thing.  The truth is I miss her, but in no way as ever a friend would.  Just don't have that in me.  I quit trying to fight it.  Maybe one day she will forgive me.  Maybe not.  The past is the past, and those days are long gone.  There was her in my heart, then she was gone...but the shadows remained.

Where once there was sound, a song so sweet and pure. A youthful maid in the blooms of first love, moving heaven and earth with a tear...a fear of those lost and those she could lose.  People come and go.  You win some, and some you choose to lose.  There are paths I can't follow.  I can't watch someone slide down to despair.  I did my best, but I can't fix anything, and I got to start taking care of myself I swear.  It's hard to let people in these days.  They only get to a certain extent.  After that it's a brick wall, a soul encased in cement.  When you try to do some good, and the person you help isn't the greatest.  If they have to go, its fine, but please don't berate them.  Then turn on me and call my kindness  a weakness.  You said that once about her.  You said I'm attracted to people with problems.  I wouldn't hear it then and I won't hear it now so smart move on your part that you dropped it.  I'm not weak, though maybe damaged myself...this family life sometimes plays with my mental health.  If I snap and lose it on anyone, forgive me please.  I'm only human, I'm only as strong as I can be.  When it all gets too much, it's hard to keep in control, then the rage builds up inside me and I break.  I never meant to cause anyone harm.  Some of us we talked it out and saw each other's opinions and chose to drop it.  Some of us just argued and broke apart. We couldn't stop it.  The sweet music that I heard every time you said my name was worth the struggle day to day, and don't tell me it wasn't.  You lost a lot, we both know it's true.  But we all have different fights and I had mine then too.  It's still going on, sometimes I think it will never end. I really do.  Where once there was me and you, the world sang like a little bird blue.  When it all went away it took a long time to figure out what to do.  Now here I am starting over, again after another one.  Still looking to recapture that feeling I felt so long ago, it's true.  One day the music shall play and Ill dance alone with you in my room anew...now there was silence...and the night goes on and I keep thinking of you.

***Inspired by the day's events and We Are Marshall(don't own any rights to the lines in italics, just using them as inspiration)