Gabriel's Tell A Tale Emporium

Have you ever met anyone in your life that you just found so addicting? No matter how long they've been gone you've missed hearing their voice? You missed being around them? Gabriel Janas

Today I walked into the uppermost floors of Rutherford Library at the University of Alberta. Prior to entering I noticed a sign on the door that read "you are now entering a quiet area." "Yeah. Right." I thought. All the quiet areas I've been to in the past were never truly quiet. I opened the blue door and stepped into another world and another life time. The silence of the place hit me so suddenly as if I had just stepped into the presence of a divinity. It was heavy, and ever present. It felt ancient. I looked to my left to get my bearings on the sensation when my eyes finally saw the place as it was. This one floor contained what seemed like an endless rows of books. I was a little awe struck. I got this slow, smouldering sensation in the pit of my stomach. It was the same sensation I would assume ancient scholars would get when walking into the Great Library at Alexandria. I felt as if I had stepped into a holy place and the presence of the deity who was wo...

I feel it again. From my brain to my core. Hands far older than my own have taken hold of my mind. The touch of destiny. The touch of God. Everything will be all right. Gabriel Janas

Though I am where I need to be, tonight is one of those nights that just get to me. It's cold outside and dark to boot. My smouldering anger isn't enough tonight to keep me warm , my gun is empty. Nothing to shoot. I'm tired. My heart feels sluggish. The reality of a cold winter alone has me fantasizing about better days. Give it a day. I know it will pass. For now though, all I can do is reminisce about the past. For me, winter is truly here. Gabriel Janas

It's just one of those nights that make me sigh with vexation. All I want to do is reach over to the one I love, cuddle up and relax a little. Then I remember there is no one there and I remember why. Le sigh. Gabriel Janas

Sometimes I'm afraid to blink. It's like if I close my eyes you will disappear. I fear sleep for when I close my eyes I am afraid I will awaken from this dream. It's surreal sometimes. I have my thoughts and I think I know. For these moments it's worth every single second of riding solo. I'm waiting for the moment when the truth will reveal itself. It will enable a wonderful life or keep me on this path of constant searching. Gabriel Janas

I wonder what happens when two comets cross paths? Do they slow down to say hello? I know that it's not scientifically possible, but humour me for awhile. Do they notice one another? Were they just dancing about the stars aiming for one another the whole time? Do they even care about the other? Were their paths meant to cross again and again? What will happen to them? Will they shoot off together, inseparable and eternal? Or are they only meant to shine brightly to one another in that moment? Are people like comets? Time can only tell what the passages of these bright speeding souls will bring. Time is all they have. Gabriel Janas

Every time I walk by the kitchen I see your smiling face hanging on the fridge. You were like my own private Obi-wan Kenobi. You were a good neighbour and a fantastic man. I'm glad to have known you for the time that I did. Thank you for those talks in your garage. I never got to tell you that in person. You've been gone for awhile now but your memory is still fresh in my mind. I hope you're resting in peace and love. Thank you Al. God Bless. Gabriel Janas

The slow day by day grind will produce the most delicious fruits in time. Gabriel Janas

Driving in this fog feels like driving through the fog of my life. I can only see a few feet in front of me. I don't know what's coming around the corner. It could be anything. That very thought once scared me, but not anymore. Life has surprised me lately. Both in ways unpleasant as well as pleasant. I really can't wait to make my way through the fog and see the clear road ahead. I wonder who will be sitting in the passenger seat when that time comes? Where will we be heading? Does it matter? Gabriel Janas

It was more than I remembered and it was more than I could ever forget. You're more beautiful than my memories. Your laugh was like bells ringing in the night, ominous and joyfully familiar. The conversation came with ease. Not once did I feel forced to speak that which I did not believe. Not once did I feel my attention waver. It was certainly all eyes on you. It was comfortable yet new. My nerves disappeared with your mere presence. You have given me a great gift, the blessings of the gods surely. Though I don't sleep, I feel a slight measure of peace, one which all men strive to seek. You're vivid and clear in my mind's eye. One day I will pay it all back to you. Gabriel Janas

God I wish, nay, I pray that the one thing in the cup I was read and the stuff the card readers have told me again and again is wrong. In the area that is closest and most important of all my ambitions I seem doomed to wait and slave and hurt. That is my secret torment. That is the source of all my anger and all my problems, for nothing is more dear to my fractured heart. Not a damn thing. Gabriel Janas

Everyday plays itself out. Time ticks by. Time wasted. I never seem to have enough time, especially for the things that matter. Mind full of sick thoughts and I ain't going back to playing it off like its all good. It just another way to waste time. What's wrong with going after what I want? It doesn't really matter who gets in my way these days. Friend or foe, no mercy in the bank, I'm straight broke. Tired of the strain of the pain, other people getting what I want when they straight lame. The beautiful thing is though time is wasted it's still on my side. With nothing to lose time can only bring everything within my grasp. I'll let them suckers play themselves out. They'll make the mistakes I know they will. When that happens all I have to do is reach out and grasp it all cause y'all never really had it. It's just on loan. You're just experiencing what's mine so you'll know what your missing when it leaves you. Had to learn what I nee...

Getting in that frame of mind to keep me focused. Watch my hands or you might miss the hocus-pocus. Now all I need is a tuxedo and a gun. Keeping it honest with myself, burning inside, not denying my dual sides. This should all be a lot of fun. Gabriel Janas

They tell me that dreams don't come true. Well this morning has given me proof. I've been waiting for the chance to sit with you again and just be for years. So tell me again my dreams don't come true. Then head right this way to claim your prize, a nice big fuck you.

My relationships have grown shorter and shorter over the last few years. To the point they've become one night stands. I took a year away from all of the complications and all the women to get myself right. I'm cool with me. Now everything else is overdue. I wish I could have someone who I could be close with again. That long term thing. But my face is stoic. Emotions play and I reveal a few here and there. These days I'll be good with something casual if it comes down to it, but what I really want is that person who can reach my heart and stay. Face it all. Even when the sky falls and crumbles. That stuff ain't easy but it's always worth it in the end.

Do I conquer the world or do I conquer the girl? Why not both?

I’m looking back at my bloggers site archives and man did I explode in writing this year. This is the breakdown: -2009 (3 posts)
-2010 (10 posts)
-2011 (9 posts)
-2012 (115 posts) 2012 has definitely been a turbulent year for me. So many changes and a lot more struggles than I’ve dealt with in the past. The difference between this year and years past is that it isn’t as bad because of the writing. Writing helps me get emotions and thoughts out on to paper (or the screen in this case). It helps me to see patterns and to give words to intuitive leaps I have about people and situations. It makes the ground more firm beneath my feet. One day I hope to look back on this blog as a successful artist and say “This is how it all began."

"How old do you think I am?" "I don't know. But I definitely didn't think you were 24." "It must be the beard and the face." "No. You look young physically. You just seem older. I don't really know why." The first...maybe the second thought that came into my mind after waking up today was the conversation above. This took place on Wednesday and its just sinking into my brain now. I think my soul is from a different age. I feel older than my years, and antiquated at times. Don't get me wrong, I have an extremely open mind, but some of the things I believe in seem to come from somewhere in the past. I remember now a tarot reading I had done over a year ago. The man said to me I would have been better living off in the time of the Renaissance or Ancient Greece. He said I would fit in a lot easier and be happier there. I think he was right. These two memories now only stir the questions of why am I here and what is my pur...

Just another 3 a.m. in my bed. My thoughts weighing down my head. It's like I don't write anything happy these days cause it's hard to be truly happy in all things on the best days. At least I don't go negative. I can't blame the world. I can't blame other people. I can only push through the madness, strife. I can only push on through this life. It's gotta give sometime. There's no time like the present to air out my problems. Things that rob me of sleep. These things use to be buried deep. My stoic face now gives way to emotion. Can't play poker now with it even if I wanted to. Good at my game but I'm still behind. Every day on this endless grind has my mind uneasy. Just need someone to release me from this burden. Hurting so long that pain barley registers on my radar. I feel it for a second, accept it for what it is and keep pushing. Stubborn as hell. I ain't living well. But I'm still writing my story, and if it gets better only time ...

Smoking my pipe. Shoulders feeling heavy. This weight is ripe. I can only hope it bears fruit. Too tired of coming in second. For years it's been dormant, but itching. Now that it's unleashed along with this anger I fear for those who get in my way. They're in danger. I can no longer suppress my fire. Nor do I want to. I'm smouldering slowly. This duality of not giving a fuck and caring all at once has me going a little mad. Through all the trying times I've become more bad. The stress has me trippin at times, wanting paper, flashy rides, and flawless dimes. I give more than I get in return. It's said he who gives it all will one day be returned all ten fold. I feel like I'm on my last days in prison. Parol only a few moments away. I'm going mad. I've did my time and then some. I want out.

Laying on my bedroom floor I can't help but think what does life have in store for me? I know I'm blessed. Heavenly honours given to me above others. But only in time. Everything is suppose to really take off for me when I'm 30, so I've been told. The love of another will always be my most dearest desire and my hardest road. Ali said it. It ain't the first time I've heard it. He is just the most recent to read my future. Waiting for it all to happen while trying to make it come sooner makes this world feel so cold at times. I want to make a difference. I want to leave a positive mark on this world before I go. Until I get to what I want there can never be lasting peace. This I know.

My bed smells like nightmares. The sweat and the fear role off of it in waves. It's almost overpowering. I lay my head down and begin to dream. I'm chasing something. The corridor is pitch. If I stretch out my hands to either side I can lay both palms flat against the cold stone walls. But I can not linger for I can hear what I chase. I smell what I seek. I run after my prey with the bloodlust of a man possessed. The room inverts and reverses. The positions change. I'm the one being hunted. How did things get this way? No time to stop and think. Run. I must run. I can hear the boots crashing behind me. It's close. I run faster. Stomp. It's getting closer. My leg begins to cramp. Stomp. Stomp. It's closer now... Oh God help me... Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. I can't beat it. I got to face it. That's the only way to survive. Stomp. Then silence. The blackness is closing in. The very air feels heavy and oppressive. It's too hot in her...

We ain't shit with our our homeboyz. Tupac said it. Ain't it true? I'm glad I got a home boy like you. Love you Norbert.

Play your cards right. Life ain't a game of poker. It's a black jack flop. What are you betting? Is it your heart? Is it your soul? Is it your right to self-determination? Is it your standards? What have you got to lose? What have you got to gain? Are you ready to risk it? I am. I've been playing this game for a long time. I've only gotten better. i just forgot how to be the darker side of myself. Light and dark combine in me now. I have come full circle.Patience is always the key. That's all it took. You got to play your cards right. Wait for the flop. Are you all in?

I can not figure out what I'm doing wrong lately. It's like I'm missing some piece that I use to have. I think I need to go back to being more of an asshole cause this whole trying to be a better person thing isn't getting me anywhere.